cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
