My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
