p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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