We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
