His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
