our cab driver is having phone sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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