You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
