Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
