PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
