WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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