Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good