I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
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You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.