I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I supernannyed him into submission