She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
