I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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