I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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