I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
