It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I want to fling myself into the sun
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
