White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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