Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
