Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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