nut hugger
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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