I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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