I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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