pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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