I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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