I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They took my balls.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
