okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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