Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
