When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
