I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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