In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
