the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
