There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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