Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
