her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she told me i tasted like america
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are we still banned from the library?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
