I can tuck mytits in my pants
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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