So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
