even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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