before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
