So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
