OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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