awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
