clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
