Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
