i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
