Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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