Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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