that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
