Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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