Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
