i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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