U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
