I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
