so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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