girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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