What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
