Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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