you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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