Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
