this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
