I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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