She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
