turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
