Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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