seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
