is your mom at the bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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